Let The World Keep Turning
M.E. Ellis
Break
The world will not stop turning when I leave it. I know that. Though my spirit will always linger, memories will fade. I don't want that. I don't want that. Why can't I live forever, loving those I adore, sharing my wisdom with the young? It's not possible. Is it?
I look back and think of the things I should, shouldn't have done. The cigarettes that calmed my nerves have ultimately been my undoing. The drink that raised me from despair's depths became an addiction. It's too late to reverse the years of waste—remorse is my companion.
They come and they go, these caregivers. The squeak of their shoes a terrier burrowing into my brain. Skirts swish. Clipboards—the paper of which snaps as notes are viewed—sighs as they wait for my demise. I am in the way. An encumbrance.
If they asked to hasten my journey, at times I feel I would nod, allow them the power to send me to the next realm. Oftentimes, though, I am scared of that thought. I want to stay forever. Unfeasible. Impossible. I know that.
My life is in this room, on this bed, immobile of limb. My mind seeks solace— asks God for forgiveness. Sins are committed without thought when one has youth on their side. As the body ages, wisdom matures—hindsight a shadow that pursues. Too late I see the errors. Remorse crashes down, burying me under its crumbling debris.
As the clock hands move on, breath becomes shallow. Fright promotes faltering inhalations; panic embraces. Mind gathers every image, feeling, desire, forming a barrage of scenery to taunt me as my terminus draws near.
If I close my eyes I can regulate my lungs. If I concentrate I can stay longer. They will be here soon—chattering voices, laughter. Those children of mine, they'll come. I'll hear their whispers of concern, the crack in my son's tone, the lump in my girl's throat. Let me stay. Please. I'm sorry.
I'll wait for one more visit. One more chance to hear them. And then I'll go—let the world keep turning, the memories fade, though I don 't want that. I don't want that.
M.E. Ellis is a full time writer. Her novel, Pervalism, is available in ebook format from Wildchildpublishing. Her second novel, Quits, will be released soon from the same publisher. Her 3rd novel, Garou Moon, will be available from Freya's Bower at the end of the summer. Two more novellas for Freya's Bower are works in progress. M.E. has been published in several ezines, is Associate Editor of Dredtales ezine, columnist with The Lampshade ezine, novel reviewer and proof reader for WCP/FB.